Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hello, hello and welcome back God's diamonds in the rough.
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Amen, we are here.
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Y'all know who we are I am Catherine.
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And I am Michael.
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And we have a special guest with us.
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Y'all can see him there, those that are listening and watching through video.
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Mr Paul Zolman, am I saying it right?
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That's correct, all right.
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Paul Zolman, am I saying it right?
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That's correct, alright.
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We are here and we are going to be talking about love languages.
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Love languages are a powerful, powerful thing that I know that a lot of folks don't even realize anything about.
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Do you have any thoughts to it?
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Before we get ready to pray?
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I would definitely say I had no idea about love languages until before we get ready to pray.
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You know I would.
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I would definitely say I I had no idea about love languages until, um, here recently we actually read a book about speaking about love languages and just to just to see and read the things that was in that book, it was like hold on.
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So that's what that means.
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That's why I feel that way.
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So, yeah, it's definitely a very powerful tool to understand.
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Mr Paul, you want to say hello to everybody before we pray.
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Hi, catherine, michael, hello, audience everyone.
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This is just a great, great time here.
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Glad to be your guest today, amen.
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We're so glad to have you, so we're going to go ahead and pray.
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Let's pray.
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Dear Heavenly Father, our Lord and Savior, jesus Christ, we just come to you once again and say thank you.
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We thank you for your grace and your mercy.
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We thank you for just you being who you are in our lives.
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We pray in the name of Jesus.
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We go into your word that your Holy Spirit will just have its way.
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We turn down and rebuke any assignment of the enemy that will be sent back into the pit of hell, where it came from.
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We pray in the name of Jesus for the ones that have the desire to know who you are, for the ones that don't have the desire to know who you are and for the ones that wants to know you but don't know how.
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We ask you right now to touch them from the crown of their hands to the soles of their feet, that the Holy Spirit would just move about in them and through them.
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That would just have its way.
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These things and all things we ask all in Jesus' mighty name.
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We say thank you, thank you God, and we say amen, amen, amen and amen, amen, amen.
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All right, paul, can you tell our audience a little bit about yourself and how you got into what you're in?
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Well, I was born in Montana and I was number 10 of 11 children.
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I want to talk a little bit about my grandfather.
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My grandfather had nine children in Indiana and then his wife passed away and he was so distraught that he had an auction.
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He sold the property, sold all the equipment, and when the people came to the auction he said and would you like this child and would you like this child, and would you like this child and would you like this child?
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And he systematically gave all the children away except for one.
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He took Benjamin with him to Montana, found a school teacher that had never been married and with her had 10 more children, so 19 children altogether.
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For this grandfather, my father's number six was the second 10.
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And so my father was born in 1922.
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And in 1932, when he was just 10 years old, my grandfather passed away.
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His father passed away.
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So not only do you have abandonment issues of now 19 children, but you're right, in the middle of the Great Depression, 1932.
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It's when all the economic things are going wrong.
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A lot of finances are tough to come by All.
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That is hard to come by at that particular time.
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And so in that time period, my father makes a decision Well, I'm going to just go through eighth grade and then I'm going to start working, and that's what he did.
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So, with an eighth grade education, that's how he supported 11 children in his own time, which is very difficult.
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So he became a truck driver and he'd go out on trips during the week and then come home every Friday night.
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Catherine and Michael.
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He dated my mother every Friday night when he came home.
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I would never see him, but he would go out and have a date with my mother.
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They would meet at a certain place they called it the Maverick Bar and then they would just have their reunion at that time.
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And while they're saying, how was your week, how was your week?
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While they're doing that, I can imagine them.
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I can imagine my mother starting at the oldest child and then just telling what they did, what they did what they did, and then all the way down and I'm number 10.
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So by the time they get to number 10, through all those boys, I'm a thorn between two roses, catherine.
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I have an older sister and a younger sister and I'm the thorn between them.
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All the rest are brothers.
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So all these older brothers, they're like puppies.
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They're swatting at each other and wrestling around and breaking their arms and doing this sort of thing.
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All this stuff's happening.
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My mother's telling my dad all about everything that went on during the week and he's getting annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, annoyed.
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He's ready to blow, ready to have that anger attack.
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And I'm number 10.
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And he values women and we know he values women.
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By the way, he took my mother out on a date every Friday night.
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He never missed all the time he's going out on a date.
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And so when I'm sandwiched between two girls and if I even look at them cross-eyed, I'm sandwiched between two girls and and I'm, if I even look at them, cross-eyed, I'm in trouble.
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So it's just, I'm kind of in that position of the family.
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So I don't look forward to those weekends.
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I'm either getting the belt or I'm getting a very severe spanking, and one, one time I remember the spanking was so severe, catherine Michael, that that I was black and blue for about three weeks.
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Wow, just that.
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Yeah, more like a beating than a spanking.
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It was just severe.
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I don't even remember what I did, because there was that disconnect between what I did and then what the punishment was Right.
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So that's kind of the background of what I grew up in.
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And by the time I get to age 35, I'm still blaming my father for all social awkwardness because, guess what?
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From a generational standpoint not genetic, but a generational standpoint he passed on that dysfunction that maybe he got from his own father.
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As parents always do, whatever our parents learned, that's what they're passing on to their kids.
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And so he passed that on and I started to be annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, annoyed.
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And then flash, I'd have this flash of anger and I thought how do I get over that of anger?
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And I thought, how do I get over that?
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I just couldn't say I don't want to be angry, because that's like a double negative in that sense and double negatives only work in math that you multiply two negative numbers together, then you get a positive.
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It doesn't work in relationships.
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So I realized that that and the other thing is in a social setting, if you're getting angry, everybody is kind of moving away from you and you're kind of repelling people, especially people.
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If others came with you, it's just like.
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It's like, you know, I don't want to be around that person and it's just kind of that repelling.
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I did not want that kind of feeling to continue.
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Well, fast forward a little bit.
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I had eight children myself, so from our grandfather who had 19, my father toned it down a little bit.
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He only had 11, only 11.
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I only had eight.
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We're improving this, catherine, michael, we're getting older, right, my kids are.
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My kids are great.
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Except I want more grandchildren.
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They're only, they're only having three, and that's it.
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And so I always have this philosophy that if you can juggle three kids, or juggle three things at a time, you can juggle 10.
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And so why not?
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If you're going to go to three, go to 10.
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And so I just want more grandchildren.
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That's all I want, catherine.
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So all this anger flashing, I realized was really contributory to the demise of my first marriage.
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After 23 and a half years, my wife decided she didn't want the lifestyle anymore, so I had five kids left in the house, and so when it was time for her weekend to have the kids, what I found myself doing was looking online, and I find someone that I might want to date, and so they're in a different city, I'm in a different city, we pick a city and we decide we're going to have a date and I called it destination dating.
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So I did that for about a year and a half, this destination dating, and so I was living in South Carolina at the time.
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So I went to Atlanta, georgia and Daytona Beach, florida and Jacksonville, florida, columbia, south Carolina, charlotte, north Carolina, new York City, nashville, kansas City, salt Lake City, phoenix, las Vegas, cabo San Lucas, snowflake, arizona.
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Lots of places that I went.
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I spent more than $10,000 just flying around doing destination dates, found nothing.
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It's like that song, michael, that you sing, looking for love in all the wrong places, and it's just kind of just like those lyrics.
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So here I am, and I thought I had a line on someone.
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So I moved to Phoenix.
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It didn't turn out.
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So here I am in Phoenix.
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My wife my ex-wife had decided she wanted primary custody now of the remaining three children because she was going to go live with her parents, and I thought, well, that's probably not a bad idea, because these three children would get to know their grandparents Her parents are fabulous, get to know their grandparents and that would be a really good thing.
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And so we did that.
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So I'm all by myself in Phoenix Now my sister, my older sister gives me a call and said Paul, I have a neighbor that I want to introduce to you.
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My sister lives seven hours away.
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I was done with that destination dating.
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I knew it just wasn't working.
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But you've got to understand.
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I'm number 10 of 11 children and everything that the older siblings say you've got to do when you're on the bottom of the totem pole.
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So she said, oh, come on, because I told her I didn't want to do it right.
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So I decided, okay, well, I'll email.
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What kind of relationship can you develop with email?
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Okay, I'll do the email.
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We were great.
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She was a great writer.
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In fact, one of the times I remember asking her well, how many times have you been married?
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And I emailing this to her and she writes back you mean counting the fives that are buried in the backyard.
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Well, her sense of humor.
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I knew she had a sense of humor.
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At that point in time I thought, what the heck, I got a live one on the wire wire here.
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Let's, let's start seeing if we can reel this in.
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So I started, we started the relationship a little bit more and I I started going up to where my sister lived, driving seven hours and driving seven hours back on a weekend and so started getting a little closer.
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And then I decided I moved up by my sister and the relationship blossoms a little bit more.
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Now we're getting serious.
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So it's time to take this girl for big brother approval.
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I'm number 10 of 11.
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Remember I got to have that big brother approval.
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So I take her north, 300 miles from where I live, and first thing that happens when I go in my brother's house is my sister-in-law pulls her aside and says the only emotion that the Zolman family learned growing up is anger.
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At first I denied it, I said uh-uh, then it made me mad.
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Right, I thought I'm busted.
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So I thought that at that point in time I had an opportunity that I could change the perception of the Zolman family from one of being the angry family to being more loving.
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So I started reading the color code and then settled on the five love languages.
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Now, the five love languages, michael is a book that was written way back in 1992, a very old book, and Dr Chapman was irreverent.
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So he said that these five love languages actually reconcile to the life of Jesus Christ.
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And just in review of the five love languages, for those listeners that may not know the five love languages.
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You've got service, and we know that Jesus Christ did service to everyone that he came in contact with.
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We love his words.
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Words is also a love language.
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So, michael, these are ways that people like to be loved.
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Some people like one way more than any other way, and Dr Chapman calls that the primary love language.
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So it could be service, it could be words, it could be gifts.
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Maybe you like to get those presents and maybe that's just how you feel loved, or it could be maybe it's just spending time.
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So Jesus had the gifts of the Spirit.
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He also spent time with people.
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He would just sit down and have a conversation with people.
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I mean, there's just countless opportunities, countless accounts of him spending time with people.
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And then the last one that we haven't touched on is touch.
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So he touched the eyes so people could see.
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He touched the ears so people could hear, and the woman touched the head with his garment.
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Touch was a big deal.
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You remember when he was resurrected he had to say to Mary touch me not.
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Why would he have to say that if touch was not a part of his ministry?
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She was coming in for the full on hug and he had to say touch me, not because he hadn't ascended to the Father yet.
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So we know touch was absolutely part of his ministry as well.
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So what Dr Chapman says reconciles that all five of those love languages reconcile to the life of Jesus Christ.
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Being a Christian, I absolutely wanted that for myself and I really really glommed on, really really liked the five love language principles.
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So I thought I want to see how I can make that part of my life.
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What does application work?
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Like Catherine, for example, if I guess what love language you are and I cater to that, we're going to be buddies.
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I'm a bad guesser.
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It's not going to happen.
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It doesn't.
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It just wasn't working for me.
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How am I supposed to guess?
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The second thing that Dr Chapman has in his book is well, if you take this survey, then you can find out what your love language is.
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Well, what am I supposed to do with that Advertise?
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Hello, I'm GIFs.
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What are you having for your day?
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I mean, that's so awkward.
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I already had social awkwardness.
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I was getting angry in public.
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I already had that social awkwardness.
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I did not want more.
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So I thought you know what?
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As a child I remember our family, even as dysfunctional as it was.
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I remember us getting together to play games and there'd be the smack talk and there'd be the put downs and there'd be all that angry stuff that happens in that angry setting of an abusive family.
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But I remember just bringing us together.
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I thought what if I could make this a game?
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So I contacted Dr Chapman, sent him an email and his attorney sent back.
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I asked him are you licensing those little pictures for the love languages or the icons that he had for the love languages?
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And they said his attorney wrote back, said no, we're not doing that at the time and frankly I was grateful.
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But I also still had this idea how can I make it into like a game?
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So I went to a copyright attorney in my town and that copyright attorney said that theory, like the love language theory, is not copyrightable.
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Application is.
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Dr Chapman wasn't using it as a game.
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So I decided I'll make it a game.
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So that's what I did.
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So I made it a dice that has the love language that's on it.
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Right there you can see an hourglass on the hand that represents time.
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The platter on the hand represents service.
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Two hands together with making a heart with a little conversation fly up from that.
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That represents the words.
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Two hands touching represent touch and the gift on the hand represents the gifts.
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Five love languages, six sides on the die.
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The sixth side represents surprise me.
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So there's just two instructions.
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You roll the dice every day.
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That's the love language.
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You practice giving away all day, that day, all day.
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It's not like that, like I did the dishes I've done.
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It's not like that.
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It's not an event like that at all.
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It's just giving, giving the love away all day long.
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And I found that by doing that, you're kind of being like what jesus did.
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He was giving away love all day long.
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I don't know of any circumstance that we have in the scriptures of where Jesus wanted something that he didn't have.
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He was always thinking about other people, always thinking about their needs, always thinking about their needs or wants and giving that love in a loving way to them.
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If he could, that's awesome.
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Yeah, wow.
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How do you get that?
00:19:34.066 --> 00:19:37.778
How do you get the game or the?
00:19:37.798 --> 00:19:38.122
cube the dice.
00:19:38.122 --> 00:19:39.309
I'm sorry, you can go to my website.
00:19:39.309 --> 00:19:42.068
Yeah, you can call it a cube.
00:19:42.068 --> 00:19:47.029
I like cube because because a single, a single dice is a die.
00:19:47.029 --> 00:19:48.825
People don't like that word.
00:19:48.825 --> 00:19:53.696
For some reason they don't like the word die just sounds like death or something.
00:19:53.696 --> 00:19:59.596
So so let's call it a cube, so you can get the cube.
00:20:00.037 --> 00:20:01.913
I wrote, I wrote a book, a book about it.
00:20:01.913 --> 00:20:02.998
It's called the Role of Love.
